𝗔 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘆𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵. — Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW (ADHD Dude)

If I have learned anything from having a public platform (ADHD Dude & 𝘮𝘺 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘛𝘶𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘭 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.) I’ve learned that people are quick to misinterpret opinions as absolutes or take pieces of information out of context. What I’m going to share here is not about ADHD, but it is about your sons, your husbands, brothers, etc.

Last night I had dinner with a high school friend who asked me if I had seen in our high school class Facebook group that one of our classmates posted that her brother (who was a grade ahead of us) had died. I told her I did see it and I only vaguely remembered this guy who I’ll refer to as “K” to respect his family’s privacy. I asked what illness he had died from and my friend informed me that he had died as a result of suicide. She proceeded to tell me what a wonderful guy he was and that he was married and had children. He was 50 years old.

This morning I went to our class Facebook page as I recalled that our classmate had posted a link to the obituary about her brother which I wanted to read. When I clicked on the obituary I saw there was a link to watch the memorial service held for him. I recalled that our classmate was a good writer in high school and I thought it would be nice to hear her speak about her brother at the memorial service. When I opened the video I realized it was the type of video that could not be rewound or fast-forwarded and that the camera was filming before the service started. I left the video to play as I went to my basement to get some laundry.

When I returned to my room the first thing I heard coming from the video (who I figured out) was K’s wife saying “𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘒 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭-𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.”

Yesterday, I wrote a post about why traditional therapy/counseling is not effective for most boys, and particularly boys with ADHD. I was inspired to write this post as a result of Dr. Michael Gurian’s opening statements at the Helping Boys Thrive Summit I participated in on Thursday.

What I paraphrased in the graphic I used in yesterday’s post has an weight to it today. Talk therapy/counseling is not welcoming or relatable to many males. If guys of any age do not feel comfortable seeking help because mental health services are not relatable to them, they will continue to resist seeking help or drop out of treatment. Hearing the words of K’s wife in her eulogy was a painful reminder of this.

I am not against therapy, after all I’m a licensed mental health professional. I am critical of the mental health field which has largely ignored the specific mental health needs of males. I am of the opinion that is the result of a lack of innovative thinking, an adherence to the confines of academia and partially because the mental health field is a female dominated field.

Using terms like “𝘵𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺” to explain why many boys are adverse to participating in therapy and why men do not seek help for mental health issues is useless and derogatory. As Dr. Gurian talks about in some of his books, that term originated from academic institutions like the one I attended for graduate school (Bryn Mawr College School of Social Work) and are not based in science, but in opinion.

What I shared in yesterday’s post about mental health services being ineffective for males is real. It effects families, sometimes tragically. I’m committed to doing my small part in the ADHD world by bringing awareness to this issue by taking about it. I have found that Australia is ahead of the U.S. in acknowledging the specific mental health needs of males. We have a long way to go in this country.

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝘂𝘀𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀, 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗲𝘁𝗰. 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗢.𝗞. 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙨. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗼.

Thanks for reading,
Ryan