The importance of teaching social skills to guys from a male perspective — Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW (ADHD Dude)

How an academic research study of a “Pick-Up Artist” community illustrates the importance and necessity to teach social skills from a male perspective.

Research indicates that young men represent an underserved demographic. Indeed, a recent scientific review paper from the University of Melbourne notes that “boys and young men have unique health-related needs that may be poorly met by existing programs and initiatives.”

“Moreover, failing to provide alternative male-friendly services and supports means that pick-up artist programs of questionable morality will flourish as an alternative.

This has to change if we are serious about improving the oft-ignored well-being and mental-health issues experienced by a growing number of young men in society.”

Several months ago, Jennifer L.W. Fink of the fantastic On Boys Podcast sent me an article called The Pick-Up Community and Young Men’s Mental Health. I was so intrigued by what I read that I watched a lecture by Dr. Rob Whitley, the McGill University professor who conducted the research study along with one of his students that this article was based on.

To give you some context, “pick-up artist programs” are a modern form of self-help programs marketed towards young men who want to learn how to pick-up women. It would be easy to make assumptions about the intentions of the young men who pay to join these programs and many, if not most of your assumptions are probably wrong.

To summarize what was discovered through their research, learning how to successfully pick up women was a secondary reason or not a motivating factor for many young men joining this Montreal based pick-up community the research study was based on. Many of the young men interviewed cited a need for social connection with other males and a desire for male role models to teach them social skills, which they felt they did not have growing up. Some of them articulated a discontent with the well-intended but unhelpful advice they received from their mothers regarding making friends and dating because they felt it came from a female-perspective.

The article and corresponding lecture from Dr. Whitley highlights comments from the young men who participated in the research:

“I never had any like masculine role model or mentor that would teach me…”

“I was raised by a single mom, so I never really learned, I never had a fatherly figure, I was clueless with social skills.”

What I found most significant about the participants comments was the strong desire to improve social skills from a male perspective and lack of available programs/resources designed specifically for males. Joining a pick-up artist community was most likely not the ideal choice for many of these young guys, rather it was the only option they found, and a morally questionable one, by most peoples’ standards.

This article and lecture were incredibly validating to the work that I’m most passionate about. It illustrates how young men will seek out programs such as pick-up communities where there are no better resources available for them.

The people who teach social skills to males primarily come from the speech-language pathology and mental health fields, both female-dominated fields.

Until I saw the necessity of this topic, I never knew of anyone to write or speak about the necessity to “teach social” from a male perspective. I would presume the reason for that is because most people don’t really think about this topic from a gender-based learning perspective.

Academic research papers about social skills programs designed for individuals with ADHD illustrated how these older programs were failures. To this day, the mental health field still views social learning challenges (difficulty with social skills) as a mental health issue. Difficulty with social skills can easily cause depression or anxiety. Treating those symptoms is not going to have much efficacy when the underlying learning issues causing the symptoms are not properly addressed.

While my professional focus is on providing families with practical information and strategies to address ADHD-related challenges, “teaching social” is what I care about the most, because as this article illustrates, there’s a tremendous need for this work.

I will have a webinar series coming out in 2021 for parents to learn how to help their sons learn how to improve social skills, from a male perspective. In the meantime, I encourage you to check out the social skills playlist at the ADHD Dude YouTube channel as well as the Dude Talk playlists for kids where I “teach social” in short lessons.

My mission is to provide well-informed, relatable and practical social skills help from a male-perspective because as the article and lecture clarifies, this work is desperately needed.

ADHD Dude is the only resource in the world, designed to teach social cognitive skills to guys with ADHD, from a male perspective.

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