When well-intended parents and therapists accommodate anxiety, and in the process make it worse — Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW (ADHD Dude)

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹-𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲.

“Stuart” was a 16 year old 11th grader when I met him. His mother reached out to me because he was struggling with executive functioning, motivation, etc.

After my first meeting with Stuart he said to his mother, “He understands me better than anyone else has.” I think what he meant was that no one had ever explained ADHD to him in a relatable way which is common,

While I focused on helping Stuart with developing resiliency to get through non-preferred school subjects (𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘨𝘺 𝘐 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘯 𝘞𝘦𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳 4 𝘰𝘧 𝘌𝘹𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘍𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘊𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦) and some other areas of executive functioning. In working together Stuart shared with me some family issues that were going on. His father, an administrator at Stuart’s school did not believe in ADHD and was extremely judgmental towards Stuart.

A few appointments later Stuart mentioned his “therapist” during our conversation. His mother had not mentioned to me that he continued to work with this therapist while I was seeing him. I spoke with her and explained that I don’t work with kids if they are currently working with someone else and I suggested that Stuart continue to work with this therapist. His mother asked if I would reconsider because Stuart really liked working with me, felt understood and as she felt like he needed the continued help addressing his ADHD-related challenges. I reluctantly agree. This was a mistake on my behalf that I learned from.

Several months after I started working with Stuart and had not seen him for a while his mother reached out to tell me that he had developed significant anxiety about going to school and started to exhibited some school refusal.

Stuart’s therapist told his mother the 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦: Allow Stuart to go on home bound instruction until his anxiety subsided. I told Stuart’s mother that in the training I have done on treating anxiety in kids, his therapist’s advice is the opposite of what I learned and I did not agree with her.

Stuart wound up staying on home bound instruction for the remainder (6 months) of the school year.

This was my first experience with a therapist telling a parent to accommodate their child’s anxiety and I learned during the SPACE program training I participated in this week that this is very common. When mental health professionals do not have specific training in treating anxiety, they often will tell parents to accommodate their child’s anxiety, which will inevitably cause the anxiety to increase.

Addressing anxiety in kids with ADHD can be tricky. Not for all kids with ADHD but for those who really have lagging self-directed talk (what I call “brain coach” with kids).

The program I’m creating for parents to address anxiety in their child who presents with ADHD and anxiety will not require kids to participate in any type of treatment. I hope it will be a “game changer” for families.
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𝗔𝗱𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘂𝗽𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺𝘀. (𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘮𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴.)

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